week one.
i’m making another one. but this one will only last three months.
we’ve been away from each other for exactly a week now and it feels like it has been the hardest week of my entire life. our first summer together; eight months into our relationship. i didn’t know if we were ready for this. but this is the best thing that could have happened to us because now i know how much i truly love you.
i know my last tumblr was confusing, but that’s because i was confused. i was confused about us, and i was scared. you’re my first real relationship and you are the first person, and hopefully the last, that i have ever fallen in love with. i never knew that it would feel this amazing. i’m sorry that i’m a girl, and therefore i come with a lot of baggage. you know it’s hard for me to express myself. putting it into words was a lot harder than feeling it. i hope this is better. because i’m doing this for you.
we’ve been away from each other for one week. and like i said it’s been the hardest of my entire life. i want to write this for you so you know how i’m feeling as we’re away from each other. every post will be the complete truth and nothing but it. i promise this will be too honest for you so i’ll warn you if i’m about to say something that you should brace yourself for.
brace yourself: i love you.
you have made me the happiest girl in the entire world. we have just finished skyping and once again, i wanted to cry as soon as you left the screen. i pushed ‘end call’ and i just flopped down at my bed staring at the screen, waiting for you to call me back just so you could tell me that you loved me. and boy do i love you too. i know this may sound lame, but steven, you’ve made me the happiest girl in the whole world.
today nicole and i were talking about weddings, and i couldn’t stop thinking about ours. because whether you like it or not, i’m spending my life with you. i thought about the dress first, then the ceremony. that’s the best part. what we talked about tonight, our favorite moment in a wedding, i couldn’t help but love you a little bit more. i remember the night that i told you i loved you. i can still see the smile on your face and the tight embrace that followed. i can still hear the words ‘i love you too’ ringing beautifully in my ears. so that brings me to our wedding. i’m sitting here today, picturing the world’s most perfect man standing there in front of me and how lucky i am to know that he will take me for ever. that you will take me forever. because that’s what we are. we are a future, because we are forever.
it’s true that i cant stop thinking about you all day long. i check my phone fourteen times a minute just to see if you texted me. odds are, you haven’t. i know that before, you were in this relationship deeper than i was: you were the one to text first, always texting just to say i love you. but boy, i have passed that point and i have thought long and hard about surprising you at home just to feel your lips once again pressed upon mine.
never in my life has someone made me feel so amazing as you have. you are perfect for me and i hope that one day i can return the favor. i hope you know how much i love you steven. i hope you realize that the way i feel about you is real.
because our love is real.
