the first time.
do you remember the first time you saw me? the first time we locked eyes? the first time you spoke to me? the first time we touched? the first time we hung out? the first time we kissed? the first make out session? the first time you unhooked my bra? the first time you saw me naked? the first time we shared ‘i love you’? the first time we got in a fight? the first time i made you cry? the first time we had sex? the first time you made me cry? the first time we spent a weekend away from each other? the first time you said goodbye? i do.
i remember it all like it was yesterday.
eleven days we’ve been apart and i don’t know how much longer i can take this. i know that i have three more months of empty arms until you fill them again. it’s hard. harder than i thought. it’s been hard, realizing how much i love you. i spent one day, a day that i hope i will never relive, imagining my life without you. i imagined myself sitting on my bed, doing homework with you not at my side. i imagined you, sitting rows in front of me, and me not being able to reach out and touch you. the hardest part was imagining me needing you, and you not being there for me. i’m a fool for thinking about it now, getting myself worked up and crying all over my blanket. i don’t ever want to think of it again. so you know what i do? i think about the first time.
i left katherine’s room, the happiest girl alive. i shut the door behind me and fell to my knees, something no one has ever known before. your kiss was so soft and perfect that it made my knees buckle. i sat on the floor against the wall for a while, smiling. that’s it. just smiling and reliving the look in your eyes when our first kiss ended.
it was perfect, electrifying almost. the best moment of my life. i hate the fact that you left me, and its even worse knowing what happened while you were gone. but i got the call and as i rushed down to the parking lot to let you in, my heart was on fire. i opened the door and there you were. perfect, with eyes so soft. i can’t get the hug you gave me out of my mind. you were gone for two days only, but as soon as you scooped me up in your arms, time passed away and i swear we were there together forever. you never left me for a weekend again, and secretly i wished you would have so we could share that moment again.
i came back from lab, running into the building earlier than expected. as people rushed by, their faces were a blur as i had one thing on my mind. running up the stairs, adrenaline pumping, something special flowed through my veins that night. as i opened the door and saw you sitting there, smiling perfectly. for the first time, love pulsed through my body.
never has it been so hard to watch you leave. back turned to me, you left without a glance. the chip on your shoulder was the last thing i saw as you shifted, heavy footed, out the door. i knew you didn’t want to leave which made the next part so much harder. the last thing i heard was the door click behind you. for the first night i did not receive the words that made my heart swell, my ears rang with the silence of your exit. i knew it had to happen sooner or later, because heart break can’t exist without true love.
it’s all the good times and the bad that make us work. without the bad we wouldn’t appreciate the good. without the good, we couldn’t make it through the bad. sitting here alone on a saturday night, my mind can’t help but wander over the memories we have created that will last us a life time. those are the memories that help me get through hard times like tonight. i had a rough night and i texted you because i just needed to know you were there. you were sleeping. which just made me cry harder knowing that i wasn’t there in your arms. but its the first times that got me through tonight. our first kiss.
