i can’t wait.
“cause i can’t wait to live this life together and I won’t let you go. i need you to know that you are my heart, forever and on and on and on.”
so i went to the movie bridesmaids tonight with my friends and obviously it was about a woman getting married. and why does this always make me think of you? probably because i can’t wait to marry you. i keep thinking over and over how perfect our life could be together and i’m scared about, well what if it doesn’t turn out the way we planned?
i was thinking of a really cheesy and great way to say this, but i’m not you. so i couldn’t think of anything besides just saying it bluntly. i want to marry you. i’m terrified that i’m going to end up without you. my grandma and grandpa came to ohio with me last weekend. my grandma is actually my dads step mom, because his real mom died of cancer while he was in his twenties. that would make his dad in his fifties when she died. they had five kids together and started a life. they shared a life together. which got me thinking… don’t get me wrong, i’m happy that my grandpa was able to find someone after my grandma that made him happy, but i don’t know if i could ever do it. i feel like i would just be leaving you behind. if i marry you, and i plan to, i want that to be it. no divorce, and no remarriage. i know that sounds kind of ridiculous, because what if we lose each other early. i know deep down that i would want you to move on and be happy again. but i don’t know if i could ever find another person that made me as happy as you have.
my grandma takes great care of my grandpa. he has alzheimer’s and a brain tumor, quickly finishing off his life. my grandma really loves him, i can obviously tell. everything she does she’s double checking in on him to make sure he’s comfortable. but what if she resents it? what if she doesn’t want him holding her back on her last couple of years? it would break my heart knowing that i would do that to someone.
i guess i don’t really know where i’m going with. i just want to make sure you know how i’m feeling, and i guess i’ll try to sum that up right now. i want to be with you. forever. through all the horribly bad and the wonderfully amazing. i want to be with you through the lies, heartbreaks, love, excitement, the whole growing-old thing too. i want to be with you wherever this road takes us. if it takes us down a rough path, i’ll barrel through it as long as i have you by my side. i will stick with you through whatever gets thrown at us. through starting a family, through getting old, but first i’ll make it through college with you.
we have something special that we share, and i want to make sure that you know that i’m doing everything i can to hold on to that. i can’t wait to finish my life with you and experience everything that there is to. i just hope you know that.
i promise i’m going to try to never let you go. where ever i go, wherever you go, we’ll take that journey together.
